At the moment I feel like I'm chasing after a leaf drifting through the air. Each time I get a little closer, it gets caught up in the air and drifts away again and I am left running to close the gap once more.
I am chasing after the results for my Ph.D., a paper I am praying to write, and a dream to be realised in the near future.
Right now I feel I need to catch the leaf before it hits the floor and the race will be over and I've lost, left in last place having not quite reached there first or as the winner.
I understand life is a never ending challenge and always a race, a ticking time machine and all that in between. But sometimes you just want to tell it to wait for you, and let you take your time to figure things out.
Though part of me wants to close my eyes and it be November already and everything fell in its place in between...
What I need to do is dig my heels in, get on with the work and take each day as new, with a new challenge and a new result at the end.
Having spent some lovely days this past month with close friends, it's made me see that we are not alone in this race. Everyone is chasing something, some dream or a close-by ending. And that none of us will reach there without the help and encouragement from others.
Those who have already reached there and can shield you from the pains of the journey. Those who will nudge you back on the right path when you fall off course. And those who will hold your hand and listen along the way. We all need them.
My encouragement came from a close friend, C, who came to visit me recently. The first of my childhood friends to visit me here. It was so wonderful to take her to the places I've imagined spending time at with close friends and catching up.
We lunched out, strolled though Lisbon centre and just spent hours walking and talking, setting the world to rights and revealing our weaknesses and fears for the future. It was great, everything I needed. The questions to answer which path to choose, the words of realisation and support, and the long years of knowing each other, that made us see that we can each do this, really do this and get there.
Last weekend I attended a beautiful retreat with my yoga teacher and other students. We woke to the sounds of the ocean and the never ending views of the sea. It was the perfect escape to think, reflect, talk the world over and return energised and refreshed.
We put our heads together and dreamt up plans of our futures.
And now, next week I am traveling home to spend some time in the UK and can't wait.
It feels so long since I was there, and each day I am getting more and more nostalgic... of the small things that make it England and that make me English.
Mostly I want to just 'be' whilst I'm there, close my eyes at the top of a field and breathe in the English air and everything it can give me. Fill my lungs with familiarity and comfort and remind me of how far I've come.
** Happy Summertime **
|The Derbyshire countryside|